What Does Jesus Mean by ‘Turn the Other Cheek’ in Matthew 5?

Opening prayer and worship

Good morning. As we begin our time of worship this morning, I want to read part of Psalm 62 just to kind of set the stage for where God’s leading us today. So, if you want to close your eyes and um listen to these words and then I’ll pray and we’ll spend some time worshipping together. Psalm 62 starting at verse 5. For God alone, oh my soul, wait in silence. For my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation. My fortress, I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory. My mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in him at all times, oh people. Pour out your heart before him. God is a refuge for us.

So, this morning, Lord, as we come into your presence as a family, God, we we want to meet you here this morning in our living rooms across the city with our families, with our friends. God, we want to draw near to you. You are refuge and our strength. God, in the midst of the ups and downs of life, you are our rock. So, will you help us trust in you, fully stake our lives on you, and be willing to go wherever you lead us? Lord, this morning, as we worship, God, will you connect our hearts to yours? And may you be glorified and honored in every word that we sing, every breath that we take today. In the name of Jesus.

I love you, Lord. Oh, your mercy never fails me. Through all my days, I’ve been held in your hands. From the moment that I wake up until I lay my head, oh, I will sing of the goodness of God. And all my life, you have been faithful. And all my life, you have been so so good. As every breath that I am able, oh, I will sing of the goodness of God. I love your voice. You have led me through the fire. In the darkest nights, you were close like no other. I’ve known you as a father. I’ve known you as a friend. And I have lived in the goodness of God.

And all my life you have been faithful. And all my life you have been so so good. With every breath that I am able Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God. Your goodness. Your goodness is running after It’s running after me. Your goodness is running after It’s running after me. All my life laid down, surrender now, I give you everything. Your goodness is running after It’s running after me. Your goodness. Your goodness is running after It’s running after me. Your goodness is running after It’s running after me. All my life laid down, surrender now, I give you everything. Your goodness is running after It’s running after me.

And all my life you have been faithful. And all my life you have been so so good. With every breath that I am able, oh, I will sing of the goodness of God. Your goodness, your goodness is running out. It’s running out to me. Your goodness is running out. It’s running out to me. All my life laid down, surrender now. I’ll give you everything. Your goodness is running out. It’s running out to me. Sing when the mountains. When the mountains fall into the ocean, we trust in the one whose name is strong. Trust in the hand of God almighty. When that ocean rises up against us, we trust in the one whose name is strong. Trust in the hand of God almighty. When the mountains fall into the ocean, we trust in the one whose name is strong. Trust in the hand of God almighty. When that ocean rises up against us, we trust in the one whose name is strong. Trust in the hand of God.

We will dwell in the shelter of the most high God. We will sing in the courts of a king who is coming again. There is rest here in your presence. There is rest here in your presence. There is rest here in your presence. There is rest here in

Welcome and announcements

Good morning Ethos Church. My name’s Brandon, I’m one of the pastors here at Ethos, and we’re so glad that you’re joining us for worship today. And I want to just say thank you so much for your flexibility. You know, I’ve found that when we do these kind of at-home gatherings, they’re actually among some of my favorite moments that I’ve kind of had with my family or our house church. We’ve had friends over to do this, and there’s something about kind of sitting in a living room, changing up the day, that changing up the space a little bit, a little bit more comfortable seats, that just kind of has this way of creating a space for deeper conversation, and you kind of don’t feel the pressure to get in and out, and so I’m hoping that today, as you’re gathering with whoever it is that you’re gathering with, it’s a really meaningful time.

Um a couple things this morning uh before we jump into our time of teaching, we will be back normal times next Sunday at Marathon 9 and 11, um kids and all those things, so so we’ll be back next uh Sunday as normal. Um and then in a couple weeks, we’re going to be kicking off our grow classes, and so we do these every summer, uh little smaller, shorter, but more focused, essentially just classes that we have up at the office mostly. Uh we have 10 different grow classes this summer for you to look at and choose from. And so it’s a great opportunity to keep developing your faith, growing in your faith. And you can look at the full lineup at ethoschurch.org/grow. We’d love for you to join a grow class or two this summer. Meet some other people and to take your relationship with the Lord a little bit deeper.

Matthew 5 and the Sermon on the Mount

So, we’re going to be in Matthew 5 this morning continuing our series on the Sermon on the Mount. So, I want to pray for us. I want to read our text and then and then we’ll jump in. So, I’m going to read read our word this morning that we’re going to be in and then I’ll pray. So, this is Matthew chapter 5. Uh the word of Jesus starting in verse 38. You’ve heard that it was said, “An eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth. But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go 1 mile, go with them 2 miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow them from you. This is the word of the Lord.

Let’s pray. God, thank you for um just your your people scattered all over the world, all over the city. Lord, we ask that this morning as we as we just open our ears to the scriptures, that we that we open our hearts to you, that you’d speak to us, that you would help us to hear the things that we need to hear, that you would convict us, Lord, where we’re not walking with you, that you would encourage us in the places that we are. God, that you would move in power this morning. And so we invite you, we welcome you, Holy Spirit, to come and to speak. It’s in the name of Jesus we pray. Amen.

Family rules and how we treat people

You know, I don’t know what your childhood was like, um but I was thinking back about my, you know, my years in in growing up. And one of my favorite memories was just going to different friends’ houses. And and I can think about different friends’ houses and and and for different reasons I love going to different people’s places. And so I can remember thinking about one of my friends and like, “Oh, I love going to their house cuz I love their dessert.” Or I remember going to one of my friends’ houses and they had a full court basketball court in their backyard. I’m like, “Oh, I loved going there.” Or, you know, I love going to a certain friend’s house cuz we got to stay up late playing video games or or whatever it is.

And And the thing that that I was just remembering is, you know, you go to different families um different houses and they all had different rules. And it was essentially just the their family going, “Hey, this is the way that we do things.” And so one of my friends, I remember it’s like their family ate frozen pizza for like every meal. And I loved going there, you know, to visit, not forever, but it was good to go there every once in a while to get those frozen pizzas. And and and you just kind of learn every family has a different way of doing things. But but but this is how we do things.

And I was just kind of thinking about um what we’re looking at today. And it’s essentially just Jesus looking at us and and going, “Hey, as a family, this is how we’re going to do things. This is how we’re going to roll. And and and and specifically, man, this is how we’re going to treat people.” So I I love the the Sermon on the Mount the series that we’ve been looking at um all this year. And And now Jesus is he’s not going to explicitly say this, but maybe you picked up on this as I was reading through the text that Jesus is going to really speak into relationships. He’s going to speak into our interactions with other people and specifically with people that are antagonistic, people that are difficult, people that are frustrating. And it’s like Jesus is saying, “Hey, the the true mark of being in my family, a true mark of a follower of mine, isn’t how you treat people that are nice to you. The truest mark of a follower of Jesus doesn’t come from, you know, you being around people who like you and and who you enjoy being

around. Really, the true mark comes from from those who treat people that are against them. People that that you just kind of found find obnoxious, that you find to be disrespectful, people who look down upon you, people who are against you. And so Jesus is going to go, “Hey, as a family, this is what it looks like. This is how we do things. This is how we treat people, specifically people who are against us.” And so, you know, Jesus is going to keep the same form that he has as we’ve been journeying through the Sermon on the Mount. He’s going to quote the Old Testament. And so he’s going to say this, “Hey, you’ve heard that it was said, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.” And then he’s going to say, “But I tell you.”

And so Jesus is not coming in and contradictory what he contradicting what he had said many years ago when he gave the people the Sermon on the Mount. He’s not coming in and and giving something new. What Jesus is doing here is is primarily what we talked about a few weeks ago where he’s saying, “Hey, I’ve come to fulfill the scriptures. I’ve come to model. I’ve come to do.” And so before we get into looking at this passage and going, “Hey, what does it mean?” There’s a little bit of confusing things in this passage, in my opinion. Um but first and foremost, Jesus is is wanting us to understand that he has come to keep these words. That he’s come to do them.

Is Jesus telling us to tolerate abuse?

Now, on the surface, um it does sound like Jesus is saying some things to us like, you know, at at first take, “Wait, is he telling us just to let people walk all over us? Like, turn the other cheek.” And um is he telling us to just tolerate injustice and to endure endure physical abuse? Like, if someone’s hitting you, just just let them. And I go, “Remember, first and foremost, this is about Jesus.” I think this passage is meant to to take our minds back to to his life and to his ministry. Now, they didn’t have the benefit of this because he was speaking to them before his crucifixion. But those of us who have the scriptures, we’re able to to look back and go, “Oh, you know what? Jesus actually perfectly lived this out.”

And for us to really take that to heart, for us to go, “Hey, how did did Jesus treat people that were against him? People that were antagonistic to him. People that that that really just came against him. And the way that Jesus approached all those people, man, was he he did not retaliate. He endured it. And so, before we’re we’re quick to be like, “Oh, he didn’t mean for us to to fully live into this.” Or, you know, this is hyperbole. I go for for this passage to really take us deeper and to go, “No, we actually serve a God that came down and lived this out.” And And he was beaten, and he was crucified. Like, he was treated so terribly. He endured the absolute worst from humanity. He endured the absolute worst from us. And he did it for us.

And I think this passage is is first and foremost supposed to help us just appreciate Jesus. And love him that he he didn’t just tell us to do this. He actually went first in obeying it, in living it out. But, it’s not just about us admiring Jesus. I think it’s that that this is an invitation from Jesus. Hey, this is how we do things in our family. That we can’t just say that we follow him, that we love him, that we’re his followers, and not look anything like him. That there’s something about this passage of scripture that calls us deeper, that calls us into the deeper waters with him.

Private retaliation vs. public order

And so, I love this quote uh that I I I read this week. It says, “You know, when Jesus says, ‘Do not resist an evil person,’ it doesn’t mean that we should just let evil triumph in our communities. No, Jesus is referring to private retaliation, not to public order. He’s instructing his followers not to be intent on getting back their own when someone wrongs them.” And so, Jesus is not necessarily talking about what you do or you don’t do when someone is trying to to beat you up, to hurt you. No, this is really for us, it’s about what happens, how we respond when we’re insulted.

Now, I do want to say there there might be a day like brothers and sisters all over the world who are experiencing this right now. There might be a day where where where someone tells us, “Hey, unless you deny Jesus, unless you renounce him, there’s going to be physical consequences.” Like there there totally could be a day for us where where we’re forced to face that. But right now in our culture, really, it’s it’s training ourselves to not retaliate when we’re wronged. I think that’s the heart of what Jesus is getting at here.

When you are insulted, don’t get even

When we are insulted, Jesus is saying, “Don’t get even.” Man, don’t don’t fire back until you think about just how hard this really is. Like when your spouse or your roommate or your mom or your dad or your sibling, when they come at you, when they cut you, when it’s not even fair, when it’s out of the blue, you’ve done nothing wrong, they’re just kind of giving you words that you do not deserve, Jesus looks at us and he will say, “Hey, don’t retaliate. Don’t be defensive.” You know, I’ve I’ve found that that often when when people come at me, that tends to be my first response. It’s to be defensive or to be to be deflective. You know, to to quickly be like, “Yeah, I’m doing this, but what about you? What are you doing?” And and to turn it back on them. Or it’s my tendency sometimes to hold a grudge. And Jesus is going to look at us and say, “That’s not what it looks like to follow me. I don’t want you to defend yourself. I don’t want you to to put them in their place. I don’t want you to make them feel stupid, to make them feel less than like they just did you. Do not retaliate.”

You think about this. When you’re insulted, typically our response is to want to get even, right? But but honestly, our response isn’t just to get even. We want to escalate things. So, someone comes at us and they say something that that we don’t deserve and then we’re just going to we reach back into the history, we reach back and and we pull it something to to to really cut them, right? But not in the same level. We want them to feel it even more. And I go, “Man, does that ever resolve things when we respond like that?” See, Jesus is going, when we can become people that absorb unfair words, what we’re doing is we’re making it so much easier for the situation to be resolved, but more than that, for the relationship to be restored.

Never closing the door on relationship

I love Tim Keller says here. He says as Christians, man, we are to never close a door on a relationship. That That what Jesus is getting at here is that we are people that that consistently tell people, “I’m going to give you a chance to get it right.” And so he, you know, juxtaposes kind of Christian response and a non-Christian response. And he says, you know, for a non-Christian, someone who’s not a follower of Jesus, when when you’re insulted, when someone comes at you, the the typical response is, “Never again.” Like, what you said, what you did to me, you’re dead to me. I’m closing off this relationship. You have no more, you know, I’m not get I’m not going to trust you. I’m not going to open up to you. We’re you’re done. Like, you’re dead to me.”

And And he says, “And it’s so different for followers of Jesus.” As followers of Jesus, man, when someone hurts us, we don’t just say, “Hey, um you can keep walking all over me.” You know, we we say to people, “Hey, you’re not going to keep sinning against me. I’m not going to keep you like hurting. I’m not going to keep you like uh I’m not going to let you keep hurting me. But anytime you want back in relationship, I’m ready. I’m going to give you an opportunity to to do what’s right, to make it right, because God has consistently given me opportunities to make things right, to correct. And so the the fault for followers of Jesus, I think the application for this is is for us to go, “Hey, anytime you want to come back, I’m not going to hold it against you. I’m not going to hold a grudge. I’m not going to make things worse. I’m ready for reconciliation, for restoration.”

A heart posture toward people

You see, this isn’t really even about um about turning the other cheek physically. This is about a heart posture. It’s really a a posture that Jesus is inviting us to go so much deeper. A posture that that deeply values people. And he’s going to continue this principle all throughout the rest of these few verses. And so, he’s going to pick up on this in verse 40. Verse 40, he says, “If anyone wants to sue you, take your shirt, hand over your coat as well.” You know, I don’t know if you’ve ever been sued before. When someone is suing you, what they’re saying is, “You owe me something. You’ve taken something that’s not yours. You’ve offended me. I’m offended by you.” And and and so, what Jesus is getting at here is when they you accuse you of being in the wrong. When you’re accused of being in the wrong, when someone comes at you, you know, it’s the same kind of thought as turning the other cheek, just a

Understanding the robe and shirt teaching

little bit different. And so, Jesus is going to use this illustration of “Hey, someone asked for your shirt or your coat.” And in their culture, um specifically with men, they would wear essentially an undershirt and an an outer shirt. The outer shirt was called a tunic or a robe. And in their culture, in the scriptures in particular, the Jewish scriptures, the Old Testament, you were not allowed to take someone’s robe, to take someone’s tunic, because especially for a poor person, it served as a blanket. It was a it it it served most certainly as, you know, something they would wear during the day, but it also served to keep them warm at night. And so, you were not allowed to to take from someone their robe. You could take their undershirt, but you could not take their outer shirt.

And here what Jesus is saying, this is this is crazy. He says, “If someone asks you to If they come at you, if they demand for your shirt,” he says, “give them your robe, too.” And it’s like, “What? How in the world is that fair? Like Jesus, how does that even make sense? And on the surface, it doesn’t. But we have to ask, what is the deeper principle that Jesus is getting at? What’s the thing below the surface? And it’s not really about a shirt at all.

You see, Jesus I think here is is going, man, it your life is all about winning people to Christ. It’s about having a posture that so values people, especially people that are against you, that your response confuses them. It it makes them wrestle with your actions. And and and Jesus doesn’t say this, but but you and I know this, it is so often kindness that leads us to repentance. And when people come at us and our posture isn’t to to throw up the the defenses and it’s not to turn back on them, but it’s to respond in kindness, and it’s to respond in this way of of of honoring them and loving them and not making sure that we are defending our honor, God goes, you’re opening the door for me to work in people’s lives, whether you know it or not.

Going the extra mile and Roman soldiers

He keeps going in verse 41. If anyone forces you to go 1 mile, go with them two. And we’re like, what in the world is that all about? Maybe you’ve heard this taught on, but in their culture, um you know, they were being ruled by by Rome. And so the Roman soldiers were dominating every part of their life. It’s not how they wanted it to go. And so when Jesus says something like this, they lived in a day and age where Roman soldiers could literally knock on your door, they could come to you at any time, and you were legally required to carry their sword, to carry their stuff for for up to a mile. You see this playing out when Simon of Cyrene was asked to carry Jesus’ cross, right? They made him carry carry the cross. And and so you see this playing out all throughout their culture.

Imagine this being played out though in our day and age. You’re sitting down to have dinner after a long day of work. You’re heading to the gym to work out. You’re You’re going on a date and then you hear a knock on the door. And it’s this Roman soldier going, “Hey, carry my stuff for the next mile.” And just picture that. Like this doesn’t This is not It doesn’t relate to us at all, right? This is so foreign to us. But think about like this when when someone ask you to do something that’s an inconvenience for you. When someone comes and they ask you to do something and it’s an interruption of your day and your plans. Especially when they’re capable themselves of doing it.

Internal resistance and the truck example

You know, if you’re like me, typically you’ll do it externally, but internally you’re just burning. You’re just like, “This person is so inconsiderate. Don’t they know how like much stuff I have to do and what I have going on?” And And you know, I remember when I was um like right out of college, I had a truck and if you have a truck, you know this, everybody wants to borrow your truck. And maybe it’s not the case, you know, the further you get out of college. But when I was in college, people wanted to move things all the time and they’re constantly just asking to borrow my truck. And I remember this one friend in particular and he’s like, “Hey, can I borrow your truck to move?” And I don’t know why, but it just I remember specifically remember it just bothered me so much cuz I was like, “Dude, you can rent a U-Haul.”

I didn’t tell him this, obviously. It’s all in my heart and all in my head. “You can rent a U-Haul. Like you have enough money. Like you’re not in college. You’re not broke. You can do this yourself. Why are you asking to borrow my truck? Why are you asking for my help? Don’t you know that I have a job and I’ve got all these things going on?” And And Jesus is just speaking into this. Where people will ask us for help or they’ll ask us to do something and And isn’t it just our tendency to be like, “Don’t you know how busy I am? Like Don’t you know what I have going on in my life?” And Jesus says, “Don’t treat people that inconvenience you like they are an inconvenience. Treat them better.”

The worldly response, the fleshly response is is to flare up and to and to think about how important we are and the things that we have to do. And Jesus goes, “No. The way that we do things is we serve.” Though they might not be considering you. Someone shows up at your house and they ask you to do something that’s absolutely ridiculous. They’re not considered of your life and what’s going on. This is not about you. It’s not about me. This is an opportunity for the fullness of our lives to reflect Jesus.

Giving and protection of self-interest

Finally, verse 42, Jesus is going to say this. “Give to the one who asks. Don’t turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.” And so, he’s not he’s not talking about literally just giving to your kids every time they ask you for something. And he’s not talking about giving what you don’t have to give. What he’s doing below the surface is he’s speaking to a tendency that we have to care only about ourselves. One person said it like this. Jesus is speaking into an aggressive protection of one’s own interest. And Jesus is going, “Hey, as my people, we don’t take care of ourselves. It’s not primarily about us. It’s not primarily about you. I want you to be people that consider others and their needs.”

Now, Jesus is speaking to a people into a context who find themselves in a place of privilege, who have the ability to help people who have fallen on hard times. And he’s saying here, “Hey, when people ask for help, if you can help, help them.” And all throughout this passage of scripture, the thing that Jesus is doing is he uses, you know, the turn the other cheek and and go the extra mile and and give to the one who asks, but really what he’s doing as he’s been doing all the Sermon on the Mount is he’s going to the heart. He’s saying, “Don’t value stuff. Don’t value things more than you value people. Don’t value your name more than you value people. Let the burning passion of your life not be to defend yourself and to defend your rights at all costs and to make sure your name doesn’t get trampled on. Let the burning passion of your life truly be to win people to Christ.”

Spiritual eyes and taking the high road

And this is hard. Jesus is inviting us to have the spiritual eyes to see that when someone comes at us, when they look down at us, when they inconvenience us, when they they think they’re better than us, when they when they lash out at us, for us to have the spiritual eyes to go, “Hey, they probably either don’t know Christ or they’re pretty immature in their faith.” And he’s inviting us to take the high road to help them see Christ, to help them know Christ through our very real lives.

Application at home

And so, what do we do with this passage of scripture? You know, I think it’s interesting. We were talking um earlier about um Dave and Andrew and I about this passage of scripture and how interesting it is that we’re we’re talking about this passage when we’re at home. And And isn’t it true that man, we tend to to miss on this passage the most? We tend to take things out on those who are closest to us. Quite fitting that we’re talking about this in our living rooms. And I really want you just to to take a little inventory and to think about, man, are you the one that’s been in the wrong? Have you been the inconsiderate one in your family? Have you been selfishly stuffing down like, “I can’t believe they’re asking me to do this. Don’t they know what’s going on in my life?” Have you been slapping people on the cheek? Maybe hopefully not physically. But have you been just rude and harsh with your words?

And all of Jesus’ teachings, they’re they’re never meant to condemn us. They but they are meant to call us to live like him. And so if you as we’re talking through this as you’re going, “Oh man, I’ve really been inconsiderate and I’ve been selfish.” Right now is such a great time to own that with the people that you’re sitting with. And to ask for forgiveness and to walk in repentance. Some of you though, you know, you’re like, “This doesn’t directly apply to me. I’m I’m

I’m not perfect, but I’m living these things out pretty well. I’m valuing people and honoring them. Um but but maybe for you you can think about a situation at at work or or or maybe it’s just in another part of your life where someone is just against you. And you’re having a really hard time responding like Christ.

And so man, if there’s someone in your life right now that is that that that you just find obnoxious. And maybe don’t say their name, you know, maybe don’t self-disclose that. Or or someone that you just that that that seems to just always be after you. Maybe it’s your boss or someone that just you can never do enough to please them. And maybe right now is a great time with the people that you’re gathering with just to pray for them. And maybe it’s appropriate to share their name or maybe it’s not. Um but for you to spend some time asking God to to bless them and to open their eyes and to help them see.

Taking communion together

And so today we’re going to end the way that we do every one of our gatherings. And so we’re going to invite you to take communion. And as we take communion, we’re taking the bread and we’re taking the juice and we’re reminded that Christ’s real body was broken for us. His real blood was shed for us. And so we have to honestly find our motivation to love people from Christ because it doesn’t make sense to let people walk all over you and to not defend yourself and to forgive and unless we understand what Christ has done for us.

And so as we take communion, let’s reflect on the goodness of what Jesus has done for us, the fullness of his sacrifice for us. Let’s ask him to equip us and to strengthen us to live out our faith among those who are against us. And so let me pray and then love for you guys to take communion and to continue conversation in your living room so wherever it is that you’re gathered.

Prayer

So let’s pray. Lord, this is a very hard teaching to live out. It’s easy to talk about. It’s hard in the moment to put it into practice. I pray God that that you would purify us so and you would give us a desire in every part of our lives to look like you and so um I pray for for for all of us to take a real step. And God, that we would actually notice this that when we find ourselves being attacked and maybe it’s not in a major way, but maybe it’s in a small way where misunderstood or someone has you know, that that we would find ourselves really listening to your spirit, hearing these words and desiring to honor you more than we care about, you know, defending our own honor.

That we would care more about helping people experience you and know you than we would anything else. And so God, would you use us? Would you let our our lives look just like yours and would you let them be useful to help people all around us come to know you. And so we love you and we honor you and it’s in your name we pray Jesus. Amen.